However, this draws my mind back to when I first started practicing OT (which was not all that long ago, just at the turn of the century). At that time, experts were adamant that Autism was non inherited. I always had a hard time believing this since I worked with families who had two, three and even four siblings on the spectrum, but who was I to argue with the “experts”?

In the years since I started working in the field (in my limited capacity), I have been bombarded with countless contradicting ‘evidence’ (is it linked to vaccines, not linked to vaccines, diet related or not, a social disorder or a sensory disorder, and so on). These have left me confused and frustrated, and if I feel that way, how can parents of children on the autistic spectrum possibly feel?

What irks me the most is the attitude of researchers or experts who put out these statements, opinions or research articles. Very few of them acknowledge that they don’t truly know, and fewer will ever acknowledge that they were wrong (sorry if I am being overly prejudicial). Without acknowledging that ‘evidence’ is not written in stone, incomplete or even completely ‘wrong’, these bits of ‘knowledge’ about autism stay in the general domain, being passed from parent to parent and even professional to professional, dirtying the water of an already confusing and unclear diagnosis.

What can we do about this? I usually like to end my blogs with advice or information about how to help/address issues, but I have to admit, I don’t have the answers. All I can suggest, particularly to parents of children with autistic spectrum disorder, is to just accept the children for who they are, help them build on necessary skills, celebrate their achievements and take all ‘evidence’ with a pinch of salt, because we are still nowhere near the full truth!

Link to article mentioned in post: http://www.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/health-features/autism-breakthrough-as-33-genes-associated-with-condition-identified-30704496.html

My oldest fella was having one of his “moody” days: everyone hates him and is out to get him and everything that went wrong was proof of this. My youngest fella got out of bed without his ‘frustration tolerance’, spending the day yelling, shouting and throwing things (including his pencil at his teacher and his violin bow at the wall). I didn’t think I was going to survive, but surprise surprise, I actually woke up this morning.

I’m probably describing a typical day in most homes (at least I hope I’m not the only one who has days like these). These are the days when I wonder if there will be anything left of the relationship between me and my kids by the time they are finally adults. Days when I wish I could just climb into bed and pull the duvet over my head. Days in which I am convinced every other parent can do this better than me. Luckily, I seem to survive these days and usually come out on the other side more intentional in my interactions with the kids. So here is my tips on how to have a better day once you wish you could erase yesterday from your memory:

First: Have a plan: Tell yourself that today is going to be a better day and that you are going to head things off at the pass. If at all possible, wake up a few minutes earlier than usual and spend those minutes in quiet time, drawing on your inner reserves to plan the day and your battle strategies.

Second: Have a morning cuddle: If your kids are young enough, crawl into their bed, or encourage them into your bed and start the day with cuddles (these are my favourite moments of the days because they are about the only time the boys show me any affection). If they are “too old” for cuddles (and very few kids really are despite their protests), try to add some quiet moments together chatting or reading. Add in some fun if possible: in my house, giggles, silly voices or over-exaggerated expressions usually work.

Third: Set the tone: When the kids are relaxed and you have their attention, have a quiet chat about the coming day and add in phrases like: “we are going to have a good day today”, “when we are frustrated, we can remember to …”, “If you get upset with me today, please just tell me in a nice voice” and so on. Keep this as short as possible…we can achieve more in 3 minutes than in 30 minutes.

Finally: Keep the tone: As things start to go a little awry (and if my kids are anything to go by, they will), keep your tone light and just remind them of the morning chat (e.g. “remember we are going to use nice voices today, even if we are upset” or “remember to find your self-control when you get frustrated”). I find if I head things off at the pass, the intensity of the outbursts reduce and they don’t build up into a pattern for the rest of the day.

Good luck surviving those crazy days and setting the tone for more level ones. Remember: This too shall pass.